AFP miraculously drops Taylor investigation

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According to ABC News political reporter Matthew Doran the Australian Federal Police (AFP) has dropped its investigation into Energy Minister Angus Taylor and his office after an allegedly forged document led Taylor to launch an inept attack on Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore. 

The AFP said there was no evidence to suggest Taylor was involved in the falsifying of information, and that further investigation would be unlikely to reveal any evidence to the contrary. Apparently then, or at least by the AFP’s reckoning, the falsified document used by Taylor simply appeared before him out of nowhere, like the apparitional dagger leading Macbeth down the course of corruption. 

In a statement to the ABC the AFP said: “The low level of harm and the apology made by the Minister for Energy and Emissions Reduction to the Lord Mayor of Sydney, along with the significant level of resources required to investigate were also factored into the decision not to pursue this matter.” 

This is quite a stunning admission from the AFP. After all, the decision suggests a major shift in federal policing’s conception of crime and punishment. The new norm appears to resemble a kindergarten, if you apologise, and if no sticks and stones were involved, then nobody needs to be held accountable. 

What Happened? 

A more extensive account of events can be found in pv magazine Australia‘s early coverage, but for the sake of brevity: Taylor sent a letter to Moore on 29 September 2019 (and provided said letter to the Daily Telegraph) claiming Moore should hush her talk of emissions and climate change action considering the enormous funds Sydney city councillors spend on domestic and international travel. 

Taylor claimed Moore’s council “spent $1.7 million on international travel and $14.2 million on domestic travel.” In reality, the Council’s annual report (from which Taylor claims the figures were taken), show the councillors actually spent $4,206.32 on interstate travel and $1,727.77 on overseas visits. This means Taylor’s claims were only off by $15,894,065.90. Evidently, Taylor assumed Sydney’s councillors had travelled to Melbourne to watch Swans away games approximately 135,000 times in the calendar year. 

Taylor’s office claimed the erroneous figures were taken from the City of Sydney’s website. However, the Council was able to provide evidence showing its publicly available annual reports had only ever contained accurate figures. Metadata and screenshots from the Council’s content management system proved the documents had not been changed since they were originally published.  

What has been done about it? 

Something was clearly done, and yet clearly nothing is being done about it. One doesn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce that a document was falsified, a crime was committed. But who did it? And did Taylor know about it? The elementary AFP seems uninterested in such questions and indeed the apparent paranormal activity surrounding the falsified document. 

The NSW Police confirmed the document was falsified, but apparently, nobody is guilty of said falsification. We must, therefore, conclude that supernatural forces are afoot in Australian politics. The natural order of the universe has been suspended in Angus Taylor’s favour in what can only be called the miraculous. 

We are thus being asked to believe the falsified document appeared in Taylor’s hands miraculously, in much the same way we are being asked to believe the cameras outside Jeffrey Epstein’s cell malfunctioned miraculously. 

Taylor has welcomed the finding, suggesting the Labor Party was trying to use police referrals as a political tool. A bit rich considering Taylor was using falsified documents as a political tool. 

Moore on the other hand, told the ABC that she’s “shocked and disappointed” and it’s nearly “beyond belief” that the Minister “is still yet to explain the origin of the fraudulent document he used to accuse the city of egregious spending on travel.”

“When the NSW Police confirmed the document was falsified, it was the community’s expectation that the truth would surface, and that the Minister would be held accountable,” continued Moore. 

Labor leader Anthony Albanese is similarly stunned at the apparent interference of the supernatural. “This document didn’t come from the fairies,” Albanese said, “someone wrote it, Angus Taylor’s office know who wrote it, who gave it to them, what the circumstances are…It’s not unreasonable that any government which had any integrity whatsoever would ask Angus Taylor’s office – it didn’t need police inquiries, frankly – where did you get the document from?”  

A conspiracy theory is not better than no theory at all, but Australians may be forgiven for indulging themselves in the conspiratorial considering the apathy of the authorities in uncovering the reality behind the confusion of what is being called #AngusGate.